Sunday, October 2, 2011
Apparently more people in my life that I would like have told me that I am not being myself lately. That I have been having a negative attitude towards life and that I just seem "off". The truth is, yes, I have been a little off lately, and here is why.
Sometimes I forget everything that I have. I get myself into this little rut where all I want to do is eat junk food, lay in bed, and be alone. I have never been the kind of person who is dependent on others to make me happy. I am a hard worker, and independent and motivated to succeed. I guess the reason I have been down lately is that I miss people. I miss my mom, my dad, my boyfriend, and even my sister. I miss the company of someone who will simply give me a hug, and genuinely want to be around me.
I feel like as of late, like an outsider. I am a Christian, conservative, and modest. I don't drink very often, I never go to clubs, and I don't have a large social circle that requires me to be out and have fun 4 day party weekends. I would much rather go to the mall, the movies, or be on the computer playing games and making YouTube videos. I guess you could say that I am like a teenager still. But I don't see anything wrong with that.
I hear so often at church, from my favorite Christian music artists, and read in books that the lifestyle I want to live is so hard to do, because the world wants me to be something else. I think the most important thing that I have forgotten, is that God will NEVER put me through things that I can't handle. He wants to see me filled with joy, successful, and living my dreams. Same thing with my parents and my boyfriend. So why am I in such a slump?
When I was in college, 2 hours away from home, I started experiencing signs of depression and anxiety. I was then put on high doses of medicine which caused me to feel completely blank, emotionless, and also added to my struggle with weight. My junior year, I thought about committing suicide, and almost went through with it. I talked to my mom, and my doctor, and the best remedy was that I spend some time at home with my family for about a week, and take myself away from the stress of school and horrible friendships (or lack there of). I also stopped taking medicine. And ever since then, I have not taken anything for anxiety, bipolar disorder, or depression.
I often think that maybe I should be back on medications. Maybe not such a severe dose that makes me worse off than I am, but maybe just something small Or perhaps I just need a counselor? Someone to talk to when I am upset or sad...I just have this hard time getting off my butt and doing it. I literally think that I need someone to drag me. I also think that I need to use the very best resource and life manual that was ever written. The Bible. God's word. Its amazing how much stuff is in there. You can randomly open the book and God will show you the exact remedy that you need for any situation. For example, last night I opened it up and I landed on
Ephisians 6:11 "Put on God's whole armor [the armor of a heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that you may be able successfully to stand up against [all] the strategies and the deceits of the devil."
Romans 12:21 "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
Such good word. I love it. So basically, I need to use the power and strength that the love of God has given me, and be good because there is nothing that Satan can do to bring me down anymore.
So here it is.I am making a comeback! I am going to pick myself up, and become who God wants me to be- a strong, positive, example. With the help of my faith, and maybe going to see a specialist who will possibly put me on a small dose of medicine, I think I can make it through. It's okay to be sad, but I can't let it overcome me and rule my life. I want to be the person that people look at and say "wow! Who is she and how can I be like her?" I want to be a leader. I want to make a change. I want to make a difference. And I will.
xoxo gleamo girl
Monday, August 15, 2011
I am currently dealing with a crazy situation between me and an ex friend. And of course it involves money. Whenever there is money involved in anything, people turn into monsters. It's craziness. Part of me knows that I should stand my ground, say no, and live my life. But then there is this other part of me that makes me feel sick to my stomach, because I hate it when people are mad at me and threaten me with taking legal action.
I can't tell too much details, but I feel that talking/writing about things always makes me feel so much better than just letting things fester inside of me. I have a terrible issue with anxiety and panic attacks, that this just worries me.
Just some thoughts...venting...etc.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
So a lot of people have mixed feelings when it comes to Lady Gaga. I myself have been one of those people. I will say that I feel a lot more love for her since I got my hands on the new album "Born This Way". Incredible. She is so talented and such an inspiration. It makes me so sad to see people misjudging her because of her appearance. And I am able to relate to that in so many ways. I tend to over accessorize. I love lace, sequins, feathers, and anything that a drag queen would go crazy over. And a lot of people will take one look at me and think I am a "freak" or "goth" or "Satan loving" because I love wearing all black. But if you get to know me, you will learn that I am a Christian, I am friendly, fun, motivated,and a hard worker.
There is a line in her song called "Hair" that reminds me of me and my parents "Whenever I'm dressed cool my parents put up a fight". I know I embarrass my parents sometimes with my wardrobe, but they love me no matter what and are proud of me still the same. "I just just wanna be myself and I want you to love me for who I am". I feel that way too.
My favorite song on the album is called "Highway Unicorn (Road to Love)". I just adore the beat and its a feel good song that makes me want to drive down a long, winding road fast with the windows down and my fist pumping!!!
Love her or hate her, she is here to stay. I am so proud of my mother monster. And I hope you all take the time to check out her new CD.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I have found my new favorite singer in Ellie Goulding. I honestly can't get enough of her music. I have her music on constantly: when I am in front of the computer, in my car, and I even sing it in the shower. I just can't stop! And to think, it's all because she peaked my curiosity by seeing her face all over Nylon magazine and on iTunes. I am so happy I clicked on the little 90 second clip of her song "Lights" on iTunes, because it was the best $9.99 I have spent in a long time.
My favorite of all of her songs is "Starry Eyed", which can be heard on repeat by anyone who dare enter my car. Something about the song makes me want to do the cute little dance she does in the video. It's so bad, I even purchased little black oxford shoes because she looks so cool wearing them, I HAD to have a pair myself. Check out the video for yourself.
My other current favorite is her cover of "Your Song". It reminds me of someone very special to me. And when I hear this song, I think of him. Her version is absolutely beautiful and brings me to tears...because it's how I feel. Enjoy it here.
You can purchase her album on iTunes now! And I do recommend it!!!